Really? REALLY? Wow.

Why does your ex always show up unexpectedly and unintentionally at your work? It's like they know. But if they did, they wouldn't be there.


A little about me, the relationship I had with my last serious boyfriend didn't end well, to sum it up. We haven't talked since March, and stuff got rocky around last October. We both probably could have handled it all a lot better, but that's in the past. The point is, he has the same name as my current boyfriend, Boyfriend. It's been confusing my friends a lot, so I've been referring to them as New Boyfriend and Old Boyfriend (but their real name, instead of Boyfriend, that's just what I'm using here), since Old Boyfriend and I were together for a year before it went to Hell, so I have a lot of back stories with him and he is frequently referenced in conversation.

So a few weeks ago, I was closing the Deli with Virginia and Deli Bitch (who was just washing dishes), and I was off at 10, and as I was walking to clock out, Old Boyfriend and the Big Angry Azn (his best friend) were carrying their longboards into the store via the entrance not 10 feet away from the timeclock. Fortunately, they are both oblivious to the world on a daily basis, and I had my Deli Girl hat on anyway, so they didn't even notice me. Shows how much people pay attention to the people working in an establishment to serve them. It was a narrow miss. I texted Virginia when I got home and told the guys that if they felt like taking a break, pulling an impromptu prank on them was welcomed. When asked to describe what they looked like, I did so and they responded with "We saw them earlier, they looked like a couple of douche bags. Sure, no problem." Thanks guys, you really made me happy here :) <3

So a few days ago, I was dropping of my Faux Lil' Sis off at school after going to lunch with her (she's awesome), and I had the misfortune of seeing Old Boyfriend and his Little Bitch Girlfriend. Once again, I wasn't seen.

So 2 nights ago, I was closing with Little Mama and I was standing in the back for a second after washing dishes with the huge rubber dish gloves and the hideous green plastic dish apron, and I'm looking through the "window" cut out from the China kitchen that looks out into the store, where there is an island of cold prepared food (called the "Grab and Go.") All of a sudden, 2 girls enter the frame of my vision. I immediately identify one as a friend of Old Boyfriend, and I think the other might be as well. Another girl enters the frame, and she is identified in the same way, a friend of Old Boyfriend. Just as I'm thinking, I wonder if Old Boyfriend is around... Who enters the frame? Of course it's Old Boyfriend. I drop to the floor. I've gotten away without him knowing I work here at this disgusting, degrading, embarrassing job this long, I am not going to be found out now. Little Mama sees me and asks if I'm okay, I quickly explain my situation, and she asks which one he is. I tell her the one in the hideous neon blue shirt with the beard, who looks gay. (This isn't me having post relationship projection to make myself feel better, I was pretty sure he was gay when we started dating but I really cared about him so I ignored it and figured I'd spend what time I could with him before he figured it out. Like I said before, oblivious.) So I have closing to do, and I can't stand up to walk over to the sink without walking through a massive doorway and risk being obviously spotted. I take off the massive apron, hold it up to the side of my face visible from the outside of the deli, and walk past the doorway. Suave, no. But effective? Yes. Little Mama asked me if he knew I worked there because they seemed to be lingering. I didn't think so, and I'm pretty sure he'd be about as ready to run as I was if he saw me somewhere and I didn't notice him, so I don't think he would have intentionally gone someplace knowing I could be there. After all of this, I had to clock out. I figured they'd have left by then, so I went to clock out and who is sitting with his posse in the seating area visible to the time clock? Old Boyfriend. Who else would I be talking about? I avoided narrowly being seen AGAIN, so I hid in the break room, but I only had a few minutes to clock out. Little Mama came around the corner and said "Oh yeah, I meant to tell you he was over there but I got distracted..." My first thought was, How soon could New Boyfriend get here to walk me out? I looked at my phone, 2 minutes. There was no way he could get there that soon. Next thought, Where's Stephen!? Who walks around the corner? Stephen :D "Are you going to lunch right now?" "No, I just got back." "Please walk me to my car." "Why?" "Because I need to go to lunch but my ex is out there and I don't want to walk out alone and look as pathetic as I am for working here." "Fine..." "Okay now hold my hand." "What? Why? No." "Please?" "Fine...you owe me." I made it safely to my car and I was (to my knowledge) not seen by Old Boyfriend.

The next day, I believe his Little Bitch Girlfriend saw me while she was walking with him in the store. I was at the sandwich bad and happened to look up the same time she did. They had been wandering around and immediately after that they disappeared. I hope it wasn't them, but you can only escape for so long, I suppose.