Merry X-Mas, retail slaves!

I found an $80 gift card today.
YES.
Bought another foam sword and MINDFLEX! I'll let you guys know how that goes.

I saw a couple, the dad said "Well put them both in front of him and see which one he likes better,' about their baby. The wife then said -directed at the baby- "forget you saw these when you open them on xmas."

Epic People's names on their rewards cards.
Jose Gene Simmons.
Tim Smiley.

I am kinda upset that I signed up for Secret Santa, and never got a gift :(

Anyone know why....

95% of the Indian people who pass through my lines always have and buy gift cards to the store? Like they're even starting to buy giftcards WITH giftcards. WHY? Someone PLEASE tell me. And I want it to be respectful eg you are Indian or close enough to people who are that you know what you're talking about - not just speculation. Disrespectful comments will be deleted. (I'm not being racist, I just notice repetition. I couldn't give a flying fuck about who uses giftcards or not.)

Merry Christmas, you bunch of douchebags :)

I love the stuff customers do (when they're cool - not the douchebags).

Here's a quote from a friend.

Customer: So how is it working here during Christmas?
Me: Meh, it's ok (awkward smile)
Customer: Oh come on. You know you hate it, just say it.
Me: O_o

And then there are the customers who don't teach their children to behave. 

Random Mom: Kids, put them down NOW.
Kids: (Throw Nerf swords -one of which I finally got for my birthday, YES!- down floor of nearest aisle. Right in front of me. Ignore me. Walk right past me.)

So The Toystore...

is just as awesome as I thought it would be! Even though black friday sucked, it was still better than the deli.
In other news, Apples (who works in dairy) is lactose-intolerant. Apparently even one of the managers thought that Nayrx and I were going out, and like 6 former coworkers didn't realize I had quit already. 

New Boss Lady at The Toystore apparently loves me.
Yus.

199 Degrees

This is our dishwasher. It goes as high as 200*F.

Laundry day

So I finished washing all of my old deli clothes, and decided to keep the apron for baking and my mom said I should keep the cut glove as well, and my dickies are being kept for my new job at The Toystore. Other than that, all my old clothes are going to my old coworkers :)

STORIES and PHOTOS :D

Odd coincidence, New Guy is basically the new Deli Bitch, and he looks similar to Old Deli Bitch.
Virginia is now called Little Boy from now on, because I found out he's not actually from there, and some Indian lady came in with her daughter asking where "Little Boy" was because he helped her last time she was there. :D

Neopet is hella chill, usually works in produce or on the check stands. :D

So.... Little Boy (aka Virginia) started making a specialty pizza for another employee on a french bread instead of the normal flatbread that we use. Then when another employee saw it they wanted one too...and so on and so on until Big G finally came up to Little Boy a month later asking about it and to have him make one for her. It took a month, but Little Boy's secret menu pizza sandwich finally made it to management.

 

Later Grandma said "I'm watching my weight." 

Little Boy says "It's only $3.99."

Grandma "I'm watching my weight."

Little Boy "But it's delicious!"

Grandma "I'm watching my weight."

Little Boy "It's only $3.99."
Grandma "FUCK OFF!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recap to the other day:
The Slug told me that someone told her that Nayrx and I were dating.
This is seriously the 5th time people have asked me if we are. NO WE ARE NOT. We just knew each other a long time before I started working there and we both have flirty personalities.
So when Nayrx walked past I asked him for The Slug, "Are we dating?" "No," he says "but it would have been hella funny if I said yes why are you trying to hide it?"

....dick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back to tonight.

Little Boy decided to drop the oven pan on the floor which made a CRAZY loud sound. Some old white haired lady shopping asked him when he walked out of the deli "Did someone get shot back there?!" I was so tempted to walk out of the deli and say "Shhhh we need to hide the body!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little boy stole the scraper from the bakery since our china kitchen has one that they hide....then he labeled it "Deli" with a sharpie he stole from the check stand. 

(The other side says "NOT CHINA")

A while ago, LingLing the Panda was having a disagreement when I walked up to them, and Little Boy asks me,  "Who hides the scraper in the washing machine vent?" I immediately say "Nayrx. Why?" LingLing immediately says "Oh, sorry LittleBoy," :( I ask what happend, and Little Boy explains that LingLing saw him grab it from up there and accused him of hiding it, and didn't believe him when he said it was Nayrx. LOLZ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In addition to stealing the scraper, Boss Lady told him that if they ran out of soap for the dishes, to just pull some from the shelf. So, being the metro-ish guy he is, he pulled  the Ole' hand renewal Lavender scented soap. It smelled AWESOME. However, it made a lot of bubbles in the drain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

S

ONE

Just one more full day of work and I'll be done with Slaveway deli. It's been a while so I guess I'll update you guys a bit.

We have New Guy (AKA Goldie Locks), Nayrx and I are in danger of being fired, I've been using "tare over-ride" button like there's no tomorrow (because there basically isn't) and everyone (except Boss Lady) is going to miss me. And the creature - I don't know her opinion on the matter. Nor do I really care.

In a strange way, it seems like leaving brought me closer to everyone than if I had stayed. I got people's skypes, phone numbers, facebooks, only when they heard I was leaving. Made me feel special :) I won't miss the work or the majority of the management, but I will miss (most of) the people <3

I got hired at The Toystore for the holiday season on register, my interview was one of the most epic memorable confident amazing moments of my life. It made me late for work and made Boss Lady hate me, but it was worth it, I'm leaving the deli anyway. I'll just have to start updating you guys about my adventures at The Toystore instead :) Don't worry, I'm still, and always will be, Deli Girl, at heart.

FUCK

So as Apples pointed out, I need to give 2 weeks notice or I can't use this job on my resume because it looks just as bad as getting fired...damn. Just 15 days guys, 15 days. the countdown begins.

Well, I guess it's time to say goodbye

I plan on quitting on Saturday, if not before then.
It's been....well it's been horrible actually.
So long sukkas, I may be back as Toystore Girl, or have some old Deli Girl stories.

I wish you luck with your terrible retail experiences.

All the best,
Deli Girl

In todays news...

I have formed an opinion of Boss Lady. Greedy backstabbing whore. To put it nicely. That's just professionally though, I can't say I know her personally. I wouldn't want to. The job search is on (before I get fired so she can cover her own ass)!

...yeah fuck this place. They have an agenda. Anyone with an agenda in corporate is a danger to my employment. Union or not, I'm going to get fucked soon. I can only hope to quit before Thanksgiving...the busiest day of the year for the deli. Too bad for them though, maybe she should have hired more deli clerks before the holidays instead of trying to get her bonus by cutting as many hours from the schedule as she possibly could.

Not like I'm going to sound needy but...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=310214158248&var=610003556903&fromMakeTrack=true&ssPageName=VIP:watchlink:top:en#shId

I have to pay for my adorable (but old) cat to go to the vet and I would LOVE if someone bought these for me in a UK size 8 :D <3
Or if you don't have that kinda cash but think its a worthy cause you can go to my first post and donate to my paypal account :D

ANYTHING is appreciated :D <3

Tonight's Adventures

consisted of Nayrx cleaning the covering of the China kitchen so he'd get brownie points since it's always filthy, and as soon as he left for the night the guys who show up almost never to clean it got there to clean it...

I was talking to a friend of mine for a minute and Little G (Big G's replacement when she's unavailable) saw me talking to him and came around a minute later asking how my close was doing. Obviously he was saying without saying "Get back to work slacker," so as soon as our little conversation was over I said to my friend "So, Sir, would you like me to show you where that is, now?" The look on Little G's face as he walked away told me he felt like a douche. Mission accomplished. Little G used to actually be pretty cool - I think corporate has corrupted him. So Sad.

So 2 days ago I may have forgotten to put the drain trap back in the sink drain while I was washing dishes...and clogged the drain. The plumber still hasn't come. This is day 3 of no clean dishes.
Lesson learned: If you break the sink drain, you don't have to wash dishes.

So don't think poorly of me but...

the other night we were with Apples in the dairy box when I was about to get off of work and he was complaining about ordering too much and having cases and cases of expired eggs....Virginia's and my response was..."Can we go egg some cars?"
Especially since right before that I'd been on facebook and was like wait...Old Boyfriend hasn't moved away yet? and then guess who circled the deli FOUR TIMES while I was closing the front with Virginia? I think he was trying to tell if it was really me or not. But the guys made me feel a lot better by saying "That guy? He looks like a fucking amish lumberjack." and "He looks like a fucking hippie."

Thanks guys! <3

Today apparently after I got to work, I found out that Virginia was written up for the close...apparently the ovens weren't clean enough....after he'd pulled the glass out that I didn't know was even detachable and cleaned it when it hadn't been cleaned in years.

Ironic point though, I intentionally wrote down a quote the other night....As Virginia was cleaning said ovens "I just broke the oven more than it already was...but it's no worse than it was before!"

Recollections from the Deli

But first, an update from tonight! In the back where the doors to the load that comes off the semis are, I saw an adorable little lizard! I was trying to shoo it in the direction of the back door so it would go out of the building but it ran under a crate :( When I told one of the bigger night crew guys, he said "Ew," and looked repulsed. I was under the impression big guys shouldn't be afraid of little adorable lizards.

Anyway - Just remembering the first week I was on the job in Slaveway's deli, my mom had just had surgery and was recovering at home, and apparently as soon as I left home to go back to work after I'd been on lunch, there was a complication and she had to call 911. So I'm working in the deli and I see 2 guys in uniform come up to the deli and talk to Nayrx. He looks concerned and points over to me. Scared to shit I start thinking *DENY EVERYTHING* until I realize, they aren't police officers, they're fire fighters (or ambulance drivers, I don't recall which), and they ask if I was Deli Girl and I said yes, and they told me my mom heard them saying they were going to go to get food from where i work and she asked them to tell me she'd had to check back into the hospital.
Needless to say everyone in the deli started freaking out and asking what was going on. Deli gossip is worse than wildfire in a drought on a windy day.

After some consideration...

I decided that perhaps instead of being a police officer (Hottie McOfficer Tall Dark and Handsome probably won't be around anyway) for Halloween, I could just dress up as a Slaveway Deli Clerk. I mean, that's what I'm going to be wearing on Halloween anyway :( Then I was thinking, no, I could be Deli Girl, and wear a super hero cape! I seriously have doubts that my managers will allow that...but I think I will ask. But wait! I took it a step further, and thought, although I'm sure they wouldn't let me wear it to work, I could dress up as a racy Deli Clerk. I mean, if you can turn a Crayon into a sexual costume, I think I can turn disgusting deli girl into one.

I could just tie my button down deli shirt in the front Daisy Duke style, roll the sleeves up a bit, have my apron on, and cut my black pants into booty shorts, and substitute my black sneakers for black high heels.

I mean, if you can have a sexy cab driver costume....(I don't understand the point) you can have a sexy Deli Girl costume.

Inspired by:
http://news.holidash.com/2010/10/05/costumes-i-would-never-wear/?ncid=webmail

Oh Union

how this company violates you.

although I don't think this looks TOO dangerous, but I'm pretty sure this hole just appeared in the wall one day and that it's not legal...

H is for

hippopotamus. While looking for a certain code to type into the scale to distress the soups, I found Boss Lady's child's school work.

There are 5 dish washing gloves. 1X Left size 10, 3X Right size 10s, and 1X Left size 9. WTF.

After I dyed my hair (polarized my hair color, basically) more of my coworkers noticed immediately (and remember, at work I normally wear a hat) than my closest friends, 4:1 easily. What does that say about my life? I spend more time at work than with the people who know me best.


Oh deli, how smelly.

The ripples in the grease
reflected upon the oven walls
are but one
of your many turn offs.

Refrigerator.

(Oh wait, that wasn't a haiku...oh well.)

"Am I just being retarded?

Or are these especially difficult?"

No, poor Customer-man-person self serving at the greasy Olive Bar, it isn't you. It's the deli. It's not your fault that nothing we actually NEED ever gets ordered. Like the lids for all of the plastic containers. Instead we have been using the soup container lids, which do not particularly fit, and are especially difficult. I have trained myself to be successful on the 2nd attempt 50% of the time when fusing the lid with the container, but not everyone is as skilled with adaptability as I am. Nor should they be for getting paid so little per hour.

Back on the topic of ordering, our usual manager, Boss Lady, is usually pretty good about ordering stuff that we need, but our "assistant manager," (the Critter) not so much. As was told to me by Apples on night, when Boss Lady got back from her 2 month injury, she exclaimed, "It looked like Christmas!" Regarding the Critter's ordering habits.

Don't steal

Slave(life)away hates competition.

As I was taking my break earlier, Nayrx was already in the break room on his lunch, and the LPs (Loss Prevention) came walking in quickly escorting a middle aged woman with dark hair and sunglasses one through the break room and into the mini computer room in the back, closing the door behind them. Nayrx and I didn't know what to say, it was very awkward.
A few minutes later, two police officers walked into the break room looking disoriented, I pointed directly behind me at the closed door. Nayrx asked the (very good looking black, male) officer "How many times a week are you guys in here?" His response? "How many times a week are we in here? Hella."
New.
Favorite.
Officer.

Makes me happy that's what I'm being for Halloween. :D Maybe I'll score some brownie points with this guy...

What would be really funny is going to work dressed as an officer...I mean, I already have the deli shirt and black pants on...all I'd have to adjust is the hat and shoes which are actually black, I wouldn't really be breaking the dress code...just adding to it?

Racism

I'm really REALLY white, but I also couldn't care less what color you are as long as you pay your taxes. So I was a little mortified when there was this racist occurrence...
As I was walking towards the entrance from the back side of the store, an older white woman with a cart full of groceries stopped and asked if I was a bagger. Thinking she was going to try to get me to help her put her groceries in the car or something, I said no, and she tried again. "Are you are a checker?" I finally told her no, I work in the deli, and she said "Good, there are no white people in that store, have a great day."
I didn't know how to respond...so I just said thank you?

An Open Door

gets paid more than I do.

This sign is posted on the freezer door in the back of my deli...

Remember, I only get paid $8.75 an hour.
FML

The Critter

The Critter was named such because Big G first mentioned it to me, and the Rock told me. Tonight I fouind out the origin when Big G said it herself, the movie Critters from the 80's. When I got Taco Bell with Apples just a wee bit ago, he showed me a picture of the movie cover using his spiffy phone - I was scared of how much this looks like her.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the deli I go...

So as I was parking my car, there was the usual group of derelict teenagers sitting on the concrete retaining wall divide between one part of the shopping center and the other (it's basically a back alley), and I see one girl using some kind of goop that she was getting out of a purple taco bell cup to put on another girl's hair. Hair dying in parking lots? REALLY?

150 feet later as I near the entrance of the store I hear someone mid conversation in the distance say "Global warming sucks!" Yes. It does. Keep your voice down, we're trying to keep knowledge of this to a minimum until all of the violent polar bears drown.

Also, today I decide on (one) of my Halloween costumes. I'm going to be a slutty cop and use my khaki colored shirt from the deli, along with some short black shorts (my old deli pants, cut short), fishnets, boots, a tie, the cop shades, the plastic badge, deli nametag, the cuffs, you know. But I love how much of a f*** you it is to my company that I use their uniform as my Halloween costume.

Selections from the Deli - Psycho Moments: Que the violin

As Apples was in the back of the deli making his usual rounds, I was washing dishes and trying to drain the sink but the drain was clogged. When I pulled out the clog, Apples exclaims "IS THAT A FINGER?!" It was, in fact, a chicken nugget.
~
Another time I was going to be staying after the normal close time of midnight because I just did not have enough time to finish everything. I hadn't closed that many times and I wasn't exactly in good practice. Deli Bitch had just left to clock out, and a few minutes later as I was facing the wall washing dishes, the lights went out. I stand there for a minute wondering what had happened, then ask into the oblivion "...Deli Bitch?"

There was no reply.

I start freaking out a little bit. I call out again, and as before, there was no reply. I walk carefully over to the light switches, which are conveniently located next to a dark, creepy, supply closet. They are all stuck on, and when I flip them on and off, they all remain off. I'm getting major heebie jeebies next to this black hole of a closet so I decide that the deli doesn't have to be finished since I was only voluntarily staying late anyway, so I clocked out and went home.

Attention Slave(Life)Away Shoppers...

please dispose of your...personal items...in the bathroom completely. I don't want to know that you took a pregnancy test in the bathroom of your local grocery store...it makes me wonder a few things...
1. did you steal it?
2. what was the result?
3. WHY take it there?!

So the other night...

was pretty eventful.

Deli Girl (on Nayrx's stained pant knees): "Is that bleach?"
Nayrx: "No, it's block cleaner - oh my god you missed epic owl on my pants!" (Grabs phone to show picture)

(As the conversation continues)

Deli Girl: (Drops phone on ground while sitting on food prep table in the back) "Oh noes! My phone! I need that to sext with!"
Nayrx: (Picks up phone, looks through it for a minute) "You don't sext like I do."

Making a Difference

is not what my paycheck does, apparently, since I forgot to pick it up.

Really? REALLY? Wow.

Why does your ex always show up unexpectedly and unintentionally at your work? It's like they know. But if they did, they wouldn't be there.


A little about me, the relationship I had with my last serious boyfriend didn't end well, to sum it up. We haven't talked since March, and stuff got rocky around last October. We both probably could have handled it all a lot better, but that's in the past. The point is, he has the same name as my current boyfriend, Boyfriend. It's been confusing my friends a lot, so I've been referring to them as New Boyfriend and Old Boyfriend (but their real name, instead of Boyfriend, that's just what I'm using here), since Old Boyfriend and I were together for a year before it went to Hell, so I have a lot of back stories with him and he is frequently referenced in conversation.

So a few weeks ago, I was closing the Deli with Virginia and Deli Bitch (who was just washing dishes), and I was off at 10, and as I was walking to clock out, Old Boyfriend and the Big Angry Azn (his best friend) were carrying their longboards into the store via the entrance not 10 feet away from the timeclock. Fortunately, they are both oblivious to the world on a daily basis, and I had my Deli Girl hat on anyway, so they didn't even notice me. Shows how much people pay attention to the people working in an establishment to serve them. It was a narrow miss. I texted Virginia when I got home and told the guys that if they felt like taking a break, pulling an impromptu prank on them was welcomed. When asked to describe what they looked like, I did so and they responded with "We saw them earlier, they looked like a couple of douche bags. Sure, no problem." Thanks guys, you really made me happy here :) <3

So a few days ago, I was dropping of my Faux Lil' Sis off at school after going to lunch with her (she's awesome), and I had the misfortune of seeing Old Boyfriend and his Little Bitch Girlfriend. Once again, I wasn't seen.

So 2 nights ago, I was closing with Little Mama and I was standing in the back for a second after washing dishes with the huge rubber dish gloves and the hideous green plastic dish apron, and I'm looking through the "window" cut out from the China kitchen that looks out into the store, where there is an island of cold prepared food (called the "Grab and Go.") All of a sudden, 2 girls enter the frame of my vision. I immediately identify one as a friend of Old Boyfriend, and I think the other might be as well. Another girl enters the frame, and she is identified in the same way, a friend of Old Boyfriend. Just as I'm thinking, I wonder if Old Boyfriend is around... Who enters the frame? Of course it's Old Boyfriend. I drop to the floor. I've gotten away without him knowing I work here at this disgusting, degrading, embarrassing job this long, I am not going to be found out now. Little Mama sees me and asks if I'm okay, I quickly explain my situation, and she asks which one he is. I tell her the one in the hideous neon blue shirt with the beard, who looks gay. (This isn't me having post relationship projection to make myself feel better, I was pretty sure he was gay when we started dating but I really cared about him so I ignored it and figured I'd spend what time I could with him before he figured it out. Like I said before, oblivious.) So I have closing to do, and I can't stand up to walk over to the sink without walking through a massive doorway and risk being obviously spotted. I take off the massive apron, hold it up to the side of my face visible from the outside of the deli, and walk past the doorway. Suave, no. But effective? Yes. Little Mama asked me if he knew I worked there because they seemed to be lingering. I didn't think so, and I'm pretty sure he'd be about as ready to run as I was if he saw me somewhere and I didn't notice him, so I don't think he would have intentionally gone someplace knowing I could be there. After all of this, I had to clock out. I figured they'd have left by then, so I went to clock out and who is sitting with his posse in the seating area visible to the time clock? Old Boyfriend. Who else would I be talking about? I avoided narrowly being seen AGAIN, so I hid in the break room, but I only had a few minutes to clock out. Little Mama came around the corner and said "Oh yeah, I meant to tell you he was over there but I got distracted..." My first thought was, How soon could New Boyfriend get here to walk me out? I looked at my phone, 2 minutes. There was no way he could get there that soon. Next thought, Where's Stephen!? Who walks around the corner? Stephen :D "Are you going to lunch right now?" "No, I just got back." "Please walk me to my car." "Why?" "Because I need to go to lunch but my ex is out there and I don't want to walk out alone and look as pathetic as I am for working here." "Fine..." "Okay now hold my hand." "What? Why? No." "Please?" "Fine...you owe me." I made it safely to my car and I was (to my knowledge) not seen by Old Boyfriend.

The next day, I believe his Little Bitch Girlfriend saw me while she was walking with him in the store. I was at the sandwich bad and happened to look up the same time she did. They had been wandering around and immediately after that they disappeared. I hope it wasn't them, but you can only escape for so long, I suppose.

Gather 'Round Now, Children

I just thought it was necessary to inform you all that the company I work for found the need to label where everything, and I mean, literally, EVERYTHING, goes. Like in kindergarten when they wanted to figure out who could read or at least identify words? That's not even just in the deli, the whole store is like that. After closing tonight, I realized there was THIS in the supply closet/office. Are you kidding me...

Selections from The Deli - Ovens

One night when Virginia was closing with Nayrx and I, and all of a sudden I hear from the back as I'm cleaning the meat and cheese slicers, "Where's my fucking pot?" Nayrx says "What?" and Virginia keeps repeating his same question, but then adds, "I know you have it, Nayrx, where's my god damned pot?" He wandered the deli for a bit looking for his pot, and then Nayrx gave him his pot, and he then continued scooping oil out of the oven with it.

When taking out the oil to the tallow at night (after scooping it out of the oven with a pot...borrowed...from the China kitchen, which is randomly in the center of the deli), I noticed that on the tallow, which is basically a converted dumpster, is a giant sticker saying the company to create it is called "Darling." I feel that the creator of this company was a very sarcastic husband.

I frequently like to see just how much customers listen. When I was cleaning out the ovens, and Little Mama was doing service while I prepared for our close, I was reaching to the far back of the oven trying to pry the burned chicken wing off of the back oven wall, I realized just how big those ovens were. While Little Mama was serving a customer, I walked up and just blurted out (loudly) "Those ovens are huge! We could fit a few small children in there!" Her look was priceless, and the customer (completely oblivious from being so focused on her needs) asked "and can I get a quarter pound of Swiss?"

I found out from Techie-kins that you can cook an entire Thanksgiving turkey in a TurboChef oven (the oven used for hot sandwiches at the sandwich bar, not the normal cooking oven) in 15 minutes. The oven at my house is broken...I think I know where I'll be cooking my turkey come November.

Day 1 (or...100)

I should have started this blog when I first got hired, but I didn't think there would be anything very remarkable, and it took me closer to 2 months to figure out that this was anything but "just a job." I can barely deal with the stress of this "just a" job, but since I have yet to get another job, I decided to blog about it until I find a different job elsewhere.

So, we have some catching up to do. I think I'll start with how I got the job.

I had been hurting for a job for quite a while (3 years, in fact) and I ran into my friend while shopping with my mom at our local grocery store. I was shocked to see him, we hadn't talked in a long time and I didn't know he worked there. My mom interrupted us asking if they were hiring and he said "Actually yes, but you don't want to work here, it sucks," to which I naively replied, "It's better than not having a job, I can handle it." Two weeks later, I was in the office for an interview/instant hire. Two months later, I was wishing I could find ANY other job.

Right before I started actually working, I found out that the then girlfriend of a best friend of a very good friend of mine worked in the same grocery store's deli, a town away - in San Leandro. My deli is in Castro Valley. Then about 2 weeks after I started working, another one of my very good friends came back from college for the summer and started working in yet another of the same grocery store's deli a few more towns away, in Livermore.

You may have noticed by now that I haven't mentioned the name of my employing company. I'd like to keep myself somewhat protected, as horrid as my job is, I don't have another one and college, even community college, is expensive. We will call my company, "Slave(Life)Away." Also, there are stories about people I want to include, but I want to protect them as well. The character list is as follows.

Deli Girl: Me, you'll get to know me pretty well.

New Boyfriend: Used to work at a different grocery chain in the same department, helps me through the day with things like texts saying "Dominate that deli! ;) <3" (There is also Old Boyfriend, but he's not important enough to have his name boldfaced and with a description.)

Techie-kins: My friend who came back from college and only has a 3 or 4 month deli sentence. Told me the tech code to destroy our new scales...14632 what? ;) (For those of you who know where I work and have the displeasure of working there too, perhaps at a different location, this is my gift to you. If you get caught, you can always cover by saying you were trying to remember the code for Alpine Lace Swiss, or Deli Counter Bologna. As soon as you unplug the machine it goes back to normal. Use wisely.)

Nayrx: My friend who got me my job...fucking bastard...<3

Little Mama:  The shorter of the Mamas. Youthful personality, even though she is a mother of two. Really fun to work with.

Apples: We play fight a lot, he walks me to take out the trash at night or when I go to my car after work in the dark. What department does Apples work in? That's right. Dairy.

Deli Bitch: He is in Satan's doghouse, he missed a secret shopper grading him, which means Satan's bonus isn't as big at the end of the year. Normally he works for the Starbucks kiosk, but he became the deli's bitch when he got only 24 hours a week and had to wash dishes for a couple of weeks after closing. I also had him walking me to the trash and my car at night.

Virginia: His neighbor is the store manager's drug dealer. He heard me say "chode" to describe a loaf of bread in the sandwich bar once and asked if it was the same meaning in CA as where he was from. Yup. Same urbandictionary.com definition.

Rock Girl: Quit soon after I was hired, but since she is such an epic person we keep in contact.

Ling Ling the Panda: The other is Leo the angry azn, but Ling Ling is great! Always has random supplies stashed away if I need them.

Big Mama: The taller of the Mamas, sadly it's because she doesn't want to be in management that the Critter is in office. Seems to have overcome a lot of hardships - good person, annoying voice.

The Slug: Seems to like me, seems concerned with the well-being of other employees. Reminds me of the Nurse in the Leonardo + Clair version of Romeo and Juliet, when Juliet is trying to get her to tell her if Romeo wants to marry her and the Nurse says

"Lord, how my head aches! what a head have I! O, my 
         back! Other' other side,--O, my back."

Get the movie, watch the scene, and that's The Slug, all the time.

The Pessimist: Somehow, whenever she starts talking about all of these horrible things, like cancer, Rock Girl and I can't keep ourselves from laughing. Nice, good person though.

Grandma: Acts like a mom, really concerned, but is a grandmother, literally and physically.

The Hun: Older Asian woman who is always grouchy.

The Critter: The pseudo assistant manager of our deli, no one seems to be able to remember her name for the first month they work there. It's inexplicable, but everyone hates her innately, so it could have something to do with that. She gets overwhelmed way too easily and can't actually run the deli to save her life.

Boss Lady: Our deli manager. Mixed feelings on this one, she's scary good at acting like she's not pissed at you even when she is. Kind of difficult to do my job when she won't correct me on anything or communicate about what she's mad about. Was gone the first 2 months of my career at SlaveAway.

Big G: One of the assistant managers of the store. She's hardcore gangsta.

Satan: The store manager. The union has been trying to fire him for years. 

You'll hear stories that make you laugh, cry, and want to send me money ;) (That last one was a joke, but really...they're only paying me $8.75/hour...I wouldn't turn down ANY charitable donations.) At least, that was my reaction to these stories as they were happening.